Coterie: A Taboo Story Read online

  When I walk through the door to my room in the dorms, my roommate is sprawled on his bed, mashing the buttons on his Xbox controller so rigorously I’m surprised they haven’t caved in. He’s a hardcore gamer and while I play too, I’m not as intense a player as he is. The sounds of his video game and the rapid-fire click-click-click of the buttons fill the room.

  “Hey, Robin. You gonna be heading home for the holidays or camping out here?” I ask him, dropping onto my bed.

  “Home. My parents have set up this big family get-together with all my siblings and little nieces and nephews. I’m dreading it. Those kids are fucking loud,” he grumbles, but I can hear the affection in his voice when he talks about his family, and I wonder if I have the same inflection to mine when I mention Sonea and Aston. “What about you?” he asks.

  “Home as well. I’m gonna spend the holidays with my brother and sister,” I respond lazily, trying not to contemplate how the next few days are going to drag by.

  Robin knows it’s just the three of us, and after I gave him the very short and not so sweet version about my dad being a child abandoning asshole, he’s not brought him up again. We’re both studying the same major and a lot of the same electives.

  The next few days pass uneventfully, and as I predicted, they drag by agonizingly slowly. I swear, even during the run up to holidays the professors still expect us to get a shitload of schoolwork done along with drilling us on what we’ve learned this semester. One of them is a complete demon and sprung a difficult quiz on the very last day when all our brains had already switched into vacation mode.

  I’m packed, ready to leave, waiting for the cab to arrive to take me to the airport to catch my flight home. Robin left late last night as he has a long drive to get to his parents’ place, so I had the place to myself for a change. It was odd without his presence there, filling the room. The silence was almost unsettling, but I was too focused on making sure I had everything ready for this morning.

  It’s still dark, and even though the nights here stretch on for longer this time of year, it’s barely even the butt crack of dawn. I decided to book an early flight rather than grabbing a few more hours sleep and a later one home. My excitement at the prospect of seeing my family is greater than my desire for a lie in; I can always do that tomorrow when I’m at home with them, back with the people I love the most.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Aston

  Breakfast the following morning has to be the most awkward fucking meal I’ve ever shared with Sonea, and I can feel her eyes tracking me as I move around the kitchen, preparing drinks and food. Every time I glance at her, she averts her gaze, and it’s getting on my fucking nerves. She’s the one who created this damn mess, so she needs to face what she’s done. We’ve got to straighten things out between us before Sean comes home. He absolutely mustn’t find out about this, and if we can’t act like a normal fucking family around each other, then he’s bound to ask questions I won’t know how to answer.

  “Sonea, we need to talk about what happened in the summer.” I broach the subject, speaking slowly and clearly, scrutinizing her for some kind of response.

  When she finally looks at me, her cheeks are flushed and her pupils dilated. I’m left wondering exactly what she’s thinking, and a dull sense of foreboding settles over me when I consider the fact that, for her at least anyway, this may not be a one-time incident. My stomach jolts at the thinly veiled longing hidden in her eyes, and I have to fight not to break the connection of our gazes.

  I’m not going down this route with her, and I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure nothing like this happens again. I’m thankful it never went any further, but as the memories intertwine with the vividness of the previous night’s fantasy, I’m afraid I’m going to sink under the weight of the thoughts that are burying themselves within my mind. I do my best to ignore the way my body responds to them and focus instead on the fact she’s not some random woman I’ve taken an interest in. She’s my sister.

  “We never spoke about it then, but it can never happen. You’re my sister, and I love you. You’re my family, and I cherish our bond, Sonea, but we must never cross that boundary. It’s not just illegal, it’s wrong. If I catch you in my room again, there’ll be consequences.”

  “I’m not a kid anymore, Aston. You don’t need to treat me like one, and your threats don’t scare me. You’re assuming I’ve thought about you in that way after that one time, but the reality is I got caught up in the moment,” she snaps, defiance giving her tone a sharp edge.

  “Can you honestly tell me you haven’t thought about me like that since?” I narrow my eyes, not buying her excuse for one second. “You didn’t just suddenly forget I’m your brother, and it hasn’t escaped my notice how flushed your face is right now or how you haven’t met my eyes almost all morning.”

  “Maybe because I’m embarrassed I walked in on my big brother jerking off again last night!”

  “Embarrassment doesn’t change the fact that you got yourself off in my bathroom while watching me in the shower, Sonea. We need to not be acting this way around each other, sweetheart. Stay out of my room from now on, and then maybe you won’t see anything that will cause those cheeks of yours to turn such a pretty shade of pink,” I finish, and she sits silently, staring at me with her face sullen, and all lingering embarrassment, or whatever the fuck it was, is gone.

  “Fine,” she huffs the solitary word and focuses intently on the coffee and food I’ve just set down in front of her.

  “Hey, look at me,” I prompt.

  When she glances back at me, I see a familiar defiance glowing in her eyes, and my gut twists at the sudden thought she may not let this go. I know all too well how powerful the call is of something forbidden. It creates the kind of yearning that only grows the more it's denied. I’m afraid of what such a terrible secret could do to our family. I will not see us torn apart over it, and I will not risk Sean being caught in the crossfire.

  “I love you, Sonea. I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want to hurt Sean. Regardless of whether it was an accident or not, this cannot happen between us, and I need you to tell me you understand.”

  “I understand, Dad,” she drawls, and I bristle at the term she only uses when she’s upset I’ve berated her.

  “I’m not him, and you know it,” I fire back defensively, and she has the good grace to look sheepish at my tone.

  She lets out a sigh, and her sad, hazel eyes, which so closely mirror mine and Sean’s, strike me down. I realize that she does get it, and not just the fact I’m not Dad but also the severity of what happened, and how it could affect our whole family if it gets out. I close my mouth, the rest of my ire fading, and I decide to drop it. It won’t happen again. But why does that thought make my heart clench with disappointment rather than relief?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Sonea

  Sean is coming home today, and I’ve been buzzing around the house with excitement all morning, waiting anxiously until we need to leave to collect him from the airport. The past couple of days have been strange, and there’s been a weight of tension hanging over Aston and me, but nothing as bad as I’d have expected. I’ve been careful about keeping my thoughts shielded, so Aston can’t see how much this is torturing me.

  Since the first time I caught him in the shower with his hand around his dick, I’ve been losing myself piece by piece to a consuming desire that’s slowly eating me alive. I’ve succumbed more than once to my incandescent need in the time I’ve been away, and I’ve bitten my lips each night I’ve been home to muffle the sounds of every forbidden orgasm I’ve given myself.

  Aston’s told me this can never happen, but words can’t erase the intense longing that’s built up in the months we’ve been apart. I may never be able to have my brother as anything other than my family, but it doesn’t stop me from chasing the delicious dreams he fills as surely as he fills me within them.

  He was right about one thing, though. We can’t
ever tell Sean about this. The thought of hurting my twin cuts me deeper than Aston’s rejection. Shoving all thoughts of Aston aside, I decide to concentrate on Sean and how much I’ve missed him. I can’t wait to wrap my arms around him and sink into the feeling of being complete.

  I never imagined when we applied and went off to separate colleges that it would be this painful. It’s not just that we’ve never been truly apart before, but the pull of my twin stretched over so many miles rips into my heart. The distance between us wrecks me more than I’d like to admit to anyone, and more than once, I’ve considered transferring to a different college so I can be closer to Sean.

  Time ticks on, and after what seems like forever, it’s time to leave. Sean will be landing soon, and we need to get going or he’ll have to wait for us to get there.

  “Aston!” I call out, and he comes barreling into my room wearing nothing but a towel and a harried expression on his face.

  Aston’s messy hair is soaking wet and dripping down the sides of his face from where it clings to his cheeks. Tendrils of water trickle down his chest and toned abs before seeping into the fluffy material of the towel wrapped tightly around his waist. The sight of him standing there like that is mouthwatering, and I’m unable to keep the groan I intended to keep internalized from slipping out.

  “What?” he asks, and as his eyes track where mine just traveled, his own flash with heat at the sound.

  His reaction fills me with surprise. I’m guessing I’m not the only one being tormented by what I can’t have. It doesn’t make me feel any better, and we don’t have time for me to confront him about it right now. Maybe I can catch him off guard one day soon, and we can really talk about what’s going on, only minus the lecture. I know I shouldn’t be pursuing this, but my heart refuses to be contained by the restrictions he’s trying to chain me with.

  “Umm, we need to leave. Sean’s flight will be here in less than an hour, and we’ve still got to get to the airport.”

  Aston rolls his eyes. “I’m aware of that. If you’d given me five more minutes instead of shouting like you’re being attacked, I’d have been dried and dressed by now. I’ll be right back…and wipe that look off your face, Sonea.”

  “I will if you will,” I shoot back, and he scowls as he walks back out of the room, mumbling about bratty sisters.

  It’s a small victory, but I’ll take it. It seems he knows just as well as I do this isn't going to go away with a lecture and a persistent refusal to acknowledge it. I’m not sure how we’ll be able to keep Sean in the dark with us constantly at each other’s throats like this. Knowing the lengths that Aston has gone to over the years to keep us safe and protect us, pure will and stubbornness will probably be the best tactic he can use. However, subtlety has never been my strong suit, so if anyone fails to conceal it from Sean, it’ll probably be me.

  I let out a heavy sigh and quickly pull on my shoes and a jacket before heading downstairs to wait for Aston to finally show his face.

  It’s windy out. The bitter air nips at my exposed face and fingertips, and it blows loose strands of hair across my face. Prying the hair from my mouth, I attempt to tuck it behind my ears but another strong gust whips it back. I huff in irritation and make my way over to the car, closely followed by Aston. I slip on a wet patch of pavement just as I reach the front passenger door and fall backward, but Aston catches me before I can hit the ground.

  Where his large hands make contact with my body, it sends electricity zapping through me, and I wonder if he feels it too. It’s in that moment I realize this is the first time he’s touched or held me since I’ve been back, and sadness at that fact tugs at my heart. One foolish moment has already ruined what we used to share.

  “Thanks,” I mumble, and when he finally sets me upright, I avoid his gaze and brush a tear from my cheek when I know he’s not looking.

  I’m not as stealthy as I thought, because when I turn to open the door, Aston is staring at me with an unfathomable expression on his face. Before I can open my mouth to ask him what’s wrong, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into his arms, enveloping me in his warm embrace.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair, and I let him hold me while I fight back the emotions threatening to break through.

  After a moment I lift my own arms and wrap them around his waist. I don’t say anything. Instead, I just stand there and savor the feeling of being held tightly by my big brother. The longer we stay the more my tension and pain dissipate until I feel a lightness inside me, and I think maybe, just maybe, we’ll be okay after all. Eventually, he releases me, and I don’t miss the way he inhales deeply, breathing in the scent of my hair.

  “Come on, we better get going,” he says, and his husky voice bathes me in the warmth I hadn’t noticed was missing until now.

  Nodding my acknowledgement, I slide into the car and watch as he moves around to the driver’s side and follows suit. Within the confines of the car, the lack of tension between us is more visceral, and I feel like I can finally breathe.

  “I love you too,” I tell him, finally responding to his earlier declaration, and when I smile over at him, his own lips curve into the familiar grin I love seeing on him.

  It’s not better, not by a long shot, and I’m not sure what to do about the emotions and needs that continue to linger, but even with the vast impossibility of our situation, maybe there’s some hope for us after all.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Sean

  I hate flying, and as the plane judders to a stop after hitting the asphalt I heave out a sigh of relief. If it wasn’t so much quicker to catch a flight than to drive, I would take the slower route, but it’s a long way to travel alone. This is more convenient, even if it does make me nervous as hell. Listening to music throughout the journey helps calm my anxiety, and the heavier the band the more relaxed I feel.

  When the seatbelt sign dims, I flick open the clasp and get to my feet as quickly as I can, and after grabbing my bag from the overhead compartment, I head toward the exit. The stewardess is just opening the door, and as soon as she sees me, she gives me a broad smile and the standard spiel thanking me for flying with them. I acknowledge her words with a nod of my head before finally setting foot on the jet bridge that will take me to the terminal. I speed up, eager to get to where I’m hoping my brother and sister will be waiting for me.

  Exiting the bridge, I make my way toward baggage claim, scanning the crowd for any sign of my family. Disappointment curdles in my stomach when I don’t spot them, but I remind myself they’ll be here and they’re probably stuck in traffic. After I grab my small case from the conveyer, I hear a voice that makes my heart jump.

  “Sean!”

  I’ve barely had time to turn in the direction the shout came from when I spy the figure I know as well as my own reflection. Sonea shoves her way through the crowd, flying across the packed terminal toward me. Letting go of my case, I open my arms and catch my favorite person in the world before she can crash into me and take us both to the ground. Squeezing her form to me, I smile against her shoulder as the scent of home wafts from her clothes and the last of my anxiety from the flight fades away. No matter where I am or who I’m with, Sonea is my home.

  “I’ve missed you so much, I wish you didn’t live so far away,” she admits, an edge of desperation in her voice, and I tighten my arms around her in response.

  “I’ve missed you too, I’m here now, though,” I chuckle, and she leans back to roll her eyes at me, but I can already see the smile teasing the corners of her mouth. I glance over her shoulder. “Where’s Aston?”

  Sonea twists her head to look behind her, and confusion pulls her eyebrows closer together and her lips downward. “I left him by the car, I would’ve thought he’d have caught up by now. There he is!” she exclaims, just as I spot him myself.

  Setting her down, I take her hand in one of mine and my suitcase in the other and drag them both toward the approaching figure of the man I look up to
the most in the world, and my second favorite person after Sonea. I let go of my sister and the case to pull him into a quick embrace, and he gives me a friendly clap on my shoulder and grabs the luggage from beside me as Sonea slips her hand back into mine.

  “Welcome home, Sean.”

  Aston grins at me, but as his eyes flutter down to where mine and Sonea’s are entwined, something flickers so briefly in his expression I'm not certain I saw anything at all. After he gives me another quick one-armed hug, he turns to lead us out of the airport terminal to wherever he’s parked the car. As we draw closer, he pulls out the key and unlocks it. Popping the trunk, he swings my suitcase in, and I drop my backpack beside it before we all get into the car and start the final leg of the journey back to our home.

  Sonea slides into the back seat with me, and taking her hand again, I lean my head back on the headrest and close my eyes. The heat from the radiator fills the car with warmth, chasing away the wintry chill that blasted us the moment we left the airport, and I’m finally able to stop shivering. The long journey combined with the comfort of being with my family and heading back to the one place in the world I never want to leave lulls me into a light sleep.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Aston

  I keep finding myself looking in the rearview mirror to the backseat where Sean has just fallen asleep and Sonea is sitting beside him. A fleeting glance over my shoulder tells me that they’re still holding hands. They’re twins and have always been very close, so why is it bothering me so much now? Sonea and Sean share a bond I’ll never understand, and even after years of watching them grow up from babies into the adults they are now, it’s always confounded me. Truthfully, I’ve always envied them that closeness.